The World’s Most Expensive Water Bottle Competition
The epitome of thirst quenching luxury, Aurum 79 water bottle, is crafted out of
finest crystal glass, is adorned with pure 24-carat gold and a total of dazzling
113 diamonds. Priced at $900,000, this unique and luxurious bottle, comes filled
with 0.5-liters of the Mother Earth’s purest spring water from the artesian
source in St. Leonhard, Germany, and is jazzed up with pure gold edible flakes.
Brohan, put away your frisbee.
Meet me at town center. Bring your best.
Your Tasmanian rain,
Your Bling H20,
even that penny ante
aqua deco trash.
I come with the Aurum 79--
That’s 900,000 dollars of fuck yeah.
A year of top-shelf education
in gold flakes alone.
113 virgin diamonds ready to send
your grimy fingers straight to heaven.
Consider this a new kind of high noon,
minus guns. More beautiful.
We’ll stay here till nightfall--
swing our bottles celestial.
Watch them multiply the light.
Sara Biggs Chaney is a writer and teacher from Vermont. She teaches writing at Dartmouth College. Her poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in Stone Highway, Menacing Hedge, Right Hand Pointing, Orange Room Review, and elsewhere. You can catch up with Sara at sarabiggschaney.blogspot.com.