Rehab Stories: A.A. Superstar
My acting career Has gone into free fall The commercials and bit parts Have all run dry
My agent Isn’t taking My calls anymore And residual checks When they finally arrive
Aren’t enough To squeeze out a latte What’s a has-been never was Got to do To pull his
sweet ass Out of turnaround?
Now, I’ve heard of a place Where a man can relax Schmooze with the bigwigs Make some
blockbuster Hollywood deals No, there ain’t no acting class With this kind of juice This
ain’t no casting director workshop I’m going to Willingly hand in My Screen Actors Guild
Card For a brand new career As an A.A. Superstar
After a brief stint in rehab With Lindsay Lohan I’m guest speaker At a Beverly Hills
meeting Look, Sir Anthony Hopkins Over there, it’s Tim Allen After the meeting At the
Rock ‘n Roll Denny’s Christian Slater asks To buy me a coffee I hear even Downy, Jr.
Knows who I am Looks like I finally made it As a big fish In a champagne filled bathtub
Look at me now, Ma I’m an A.A. Superstar
I hear it’s never to late To sleep my way To the middle So I starfuck my way Down the
D list I’ve done one of the original MTV veejays And a chick From “Designing Women"
There was that time In the bathroom With that woman from “Star Trek" And a night
bumpin’ uglies With Charo Now, that may not sound Like a whole bunch o’ fun But
them’s the perks of the job As an A.A. Superstar
Now I’m working the the circuit And selling my tapes For $3.99 a pop Everyone on the
west coast Can recite from memory Every salacious detail Of my story It does break my
heart That I’ll never play Hamlet But I’ll never need To set my sights high As an A.A.
David Rutter is a Los Angeles based writer of poetry, theater and fiction. He has been published previously by Haggard and Halloo, Subliminal Interiors Magazine and Wilderness House Literary Review. He is not working on a screenplay. He and his wife enjoy traveling to remote parts of the globe.